Home

We're enjoying a quiet weekend -- the kids are at Grandma's and M's getting used to being at home. It's a nice respite from the work week in TIRR's day program (9-4 M-F), where M will be through June 22 at least, working on various components of his recovery.

Considering all the dire consequences of severe injury to temporal and frontal lobes, M's recovery proceeds gratifyingly well. At home, M's been making breakfast - peanut butter toast - every now and then. Today, for the first time since February, M dressed himself from head to toe. It took an hour, but he did it all himself, with not a whole lot of prodding and coaching. His difficulty stems from weak motivation, a weak left side, and also a very stiff and out of shape body, too. All the heartening signs, though, show a healing brain and lots of hard work by M, his therapists, and me. The coaching is constant. Plus for various reasons, M and I get up several times a night, making for long, fatiguing days.


M's memory remains poor, though it is improving. His inflexible thinking, poor initiation, and dampened emotional affect remain areas for improvement. As M improves, though, I'll be constantly at hand, not just as a coach, supporter and loving spouse, but also as a security guard. If I'm in another room, M will stand up and walk to take care of things, not out of stubbornness, but because that's how he's always done it. Never mind that his balance and judgment remain unreliable and that everyone tells him NOT to get up without assistance.

We're blessed with lots of support, but the amount of help I need remains daunting. Help in errands, cooking, company for M, and more are all needed. I'm expecting now to work full time (i.e., to be officially unemployed) on M's recovery for at least a year or two. I'm convinced in my heart and from everything I've read and heard that his prognosis is best with strong support and help. I won't be able to shoulder this all on my own, though.

Please continue praying for M's complete physical, emotional, and cognitive recovery. I'll need strength and insight as will the children. Bless you all.

Set for four weeks

M's coming home! After two sweet home visits, on two successive Sundays, he'll sleep in his own bed this Friday. It's a sign of his improvement that I am eager to have him home and feel I am better able to care for him - after all, it will be a ratio of one to one - than the nursing staff at TIRR.


Having M at home presents its own set of challenges. I'll be getting seven ready for the day (four humans and three animals) and out of the house by 7:15 in the morning. For one week, the last week of school, I'll drop the children off, then take M to TIRR. I've hired a caregiver to attend M in the mornings at TIRR, so I'll meet her then zip off to my work at GHASP for the morning. I'll relieve her at lunch and stay with M until the end of his work day, generally 4:30. I'll gather my chicks and we'll have dinner together, lovingly prepared by friends, for the first time in over three months.


I don't know how well M sleeps through the night. Though I spent the night with him for the first three weeks he was at TIRR, that's been long ago. We used to get up early in the morning to exercise- he would run and I would walk with friends - from 5 to 6 a.m. Who knows how it will be now. And so the day starts again.


Today I was told that M will be served through the TIRR day program (with his same therapists, in the same facility as now) through June 15th. We've been so worried that his insurance had low limits on outpatient therapy (20 visits or less), but apparently Aetna has an internal directive extending care beyond regular policy limits in cases such as M's. According to the case manager at TIRR, his therapy is unlimited and must only have a certification of medical necessity at the 5 week mark.

Please pray for strength, protection, and good humor for me. This comes from the person who fell trying to walk and talk at the same time getting the kids off to school this week. And who spent a half hour trying to persuade M with logic that he was not injured a year and three months ago, that he really hasn't loaded up the wheelchair in the car to drive around the hospital, which really is a school.

Please pray for the signals to get through better and better on Ms left side, that he understands his predicament just enough to be safe and reasonable, but not enough to be overwhelmed with depression, and that his memory be reliable. Please pray that our children grow through this experience and grow more loving and kind not judgmental or avoiding or dramatic (a tall order for intense preteens).

I am so thankful for our little, manageable, wheelchair-friendly house. I thank God for friends and neighbors who have rallied round, with prayers and meals and errands and yardwork and money and more. Bless you all.

I'm still dazed

A wild weekend we just had. Beginning with a bang, the fundraiser Friday night raised tens of thousands of dollars toward therapy and other health care needs for M. Little did I know this would be the the outcome of my saying yes to BVD. We have been blessed by her heart and hard work and by those of others - many of whom we do not even know. Those of you I do know, I'm sure I'll never know how much of your time and attention have gone to us in these past few months. I'm honored and touched and grateful to you and God above.

I don't know how this all will end, but I am convinced things will be better. What a great adventure we are on, I've told the kids. Others may pay thousands of dollars and leave home, but we are together with all the comforts of home, surrounded by friends and family. We've reached the base camp and shortly will be setting out to ascend our own Mount Everest. Bless you for being our supply chain and for cheering us on.

Yesterday, M got to go home on our first eight-hour day pass. Day passes provide the family a practice run, to see if the house is fully accessible and if the caregiver is adequately trained. We accomplished everything we tried, but I discovered a few more modifications to be the house will be necessary.

Please pray that I will be vigilant enough. Brain injury survivors are at much greater risk than the general population of being brain-injured again - eight times more likely, I am told. And the consequences of the second injury are much more severe. As much as I look forward to having the family under one roof, I'll be needing to tend to the whole family - all at the same time. This was brought home to me last night as I pulled M, in his wheelchair, into our tiny bathroom, so I could keep an eye on him while I showered our son.

Plans now are for M to be discharged May 17th or 18th. He then will continue his therapy at TIRR in the day program. So he will continue to have speech, occupational, physical, recreational, and music therapy, along with his group therapy, all with the same therapists he sees now. I'll transport him back and forth and ensure he has someone sitting with him or waiting for him at TIRR during the day, from about 9-4. This may continue another 2-4 weeks, into mid-June, to be followed by perhaps the Transitional Learning Center, an inpatient program in Galveston, or the Challenge program at another TIRR facility, through the summer.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Amazing Stuff

I'm walking, yes indeed
Ms physical therapist today told me she has recommended that we NOT buy a wheelchair, that she expects M to begin walking, at home at least, in the next few months. God be praised. M will soon go home on an eight-hour day pass, so we can make sure we have modified the house appropriately and that I have enough training as his caregiver. We'll be on our own for those hours.

Going once, twice...
Up next, however, is a fabulous shindig put on by friends to help defray M's expenses. For one, he'll be needing therapy for at least a few more months and the insurance pays for twenty visits max (which will be used up in the first month).

The generosity of everyone confounds me and I am everlastingly grateful. So far, Beth tells me that she's received the following donations for the auction:

• 1/2 carat diamond necklace;
• Fishing trip with a professional salt water guide and overnight stay at the famous Los Cazadores Lodge in Matagorda;
• Week in the Casita Chorro, San Miguel, Mexico;
• Week in Hacienda Guadalupe, San Miguel, Mexico;
• Weekend hunt at the La Escondida Ranch;
• Handcarved, hand painted 5 foot tall Wooden Indian sculpted by Gene Delaney (featured on Ray Miller's Texas);
• Complete set of Architectural plans;
• Photograph taken for a memory book for M; and
• new silverware place settings, original artwork, stained glass window, items for the home, chiropractic services, dental services, books, autographed baseballs, Dynamo tickets, Astros tickets, symphony tickets, ballet tickets, Swim Club membership, collectibles, gymnastics, art classes......

Visiting M

Until May 17th or 18th, M will be an in-patient at TIRR. Though it has locations all over town for out-patient therapy, only one location houses the hospital, 1333 Moursund in the medical center. There's abundant, though pricy, parking both in front of the hospital and in the adjacent parking garage. ....

Even though his hair is cut in a very short buzz, you'll recognize M right away. He was virtually untouched in the accident, except for his brain. His verbal skills compare to his abilities before the accident. There's no hesitation or speaking difficulties. His memory is jumbled up, but there, so he will know who you are. Since he can't make new memories very effectively yet, he may forget in a few hours or a day that you were there. Even so, he will very much enjoy your visit. He does think his judgement is better than it is, so call a nurse if he unbuckles his safety belt. He also should not go anywhere by himself and needs help from an aide in the bathroom. He gets so bored at the end of therapy (4-6 weekdays) and all weekend, when there is no therapy, that these are excellent visiting hours. On the weekends, I'm there afternoons, so keep him company when I'm not there or come when I am there if you would feel more comfortable. Do come when and if you can.

Elizabeth Elliot on Prayer

Author: Elisabeth ElliotSource: Love Has A Price Tag

Scripture: Ephesians 6:12 Luke 9:23

Notes on Prayer
People who ski, I suppose, are people who happen to like skiing, who have time for skiing, who can afford to ski, and who are good at skiing. Recently I found that I often treat prayer as though it were a sport like skiing--something you do if you like it, something you do in your spare time, something you do if you can afford the trouble, something you do if you're good at it. Otherwise you do without it most of the time. When you get in a pinch you try it and then you call an expert.

But prayer isn't a sport. It's work. As soon as I've said that I'm in trouble because so many sports have become professional and as such are almost wholly indistinguishable from work. I could say that work is something you have to decide to do, you have to allow time for, you have to go at with energy, skill and concentration. But all those things could be said of the big business which is sports. Competition is deadly, equipment highly technical and expensive, salaries absurdly high.

But prayer is no game. Even if you are part of a "team," as when others join you in prayer, you are not cheered on by spectators or coached by any experts. You won't get any trophies--not on this side of the Jordan, anyway. It's not likely you'll get any credit at all. For some people prayer might fall into the category of "fun," but that's not usually the reason we pray. It's a matter of need and responsibility.

Prayer is work because a Christian simply can't "make a living" without it. He can't live a Christian life at all if he doesn't pray.

Prayer is the opposite of leisure. It's something to be engaged in, not indulged in. It's a job you give first priority to, performing not when you have energy left for nothing else. "Pray when you feel like praying," somebody has said. "Pray when you don't feel like praying. Pray until you do feel like praying." If we pray only "at our leisure"--that is, at our own convenience--can we be true disciples? Jesus said, "Anyone who wants to follow me must put aside his own desires and conveniences" (Luke 9:23 LB).

The apostle Paul did use an analogy from sports to describe prayer. He said we "wrestle." In the wrestling of a Christian in prayer, "our fight is not against any physical enemy: it is against organizations and powers that are spiritual. We are up against the unseen power that controls this dark world, and spiritual agents from the very headquarters of evil" (Eph. 6:12, Phillips). Seldom do we consider the nature of our opponent, and that is to his advantage. When we do recognize him for what he is, however, we have an inkling as to why prayer is never easy. It's the weapon that Unseen Power dreads most, and if he can get us to treat it as casually as we treat a pair of skis or a tennis racquet he can keep his hold.

If we're going to ask, "Is prayer work?" somebody will want to ask, "Does prayer work?" That question assumes that results ought to be measurable. The trouble is they are not by any means always measurable or predictable because the One to whom we address our prayers is infinite and incomprehensible, "and all that is comprehensible about him" (wrote John of Damascus) "is his infinity and incomprehensibility." His thoughts are as much higher than our thoughts as the heavens are higher than the earth.

And he is Love. Infinite Love will never give a stone when bread is asked for, or a scorpion in place of an egg. But what will Infinite Love give if our prayer is for a scorpion?

Prayer is compared in the Bible to incense. "Let my prayer be counted as incense before thee," wrote the Psalmist, and the angel who stood before the altar with the golden censer in Revelation 8 was given incense to mingle with the prayers of the saints. Incense was very expensive, blended by a perfumer according to a strict formula. It appears to serve no particularly useful purpose. Its smoke and fragrance soon dissipate. Couldn't incense be done without?

Prayer is like incense. It costs a great deal. It doesn't seem to accomplish much (as we mortals assess things). It soon dissipates. But God likes the smell. It was God's idea to arrange the work of the tabernacle to include a special altar for incense. We can be pretty sure he included all that was necessary and nothing that was unnecessary.

Christ prayed. He offered thanksgiving, he interceded for others, he made petitions. That the Son--co-equal, co-eternal, consubstantial with the Father--should come to the Father in prayer is a mystery. That we, God's children, should be not only permitted but commanded also to come is a mystery. How can we change things by prayer? How "move" a sovereign and omnipotent God? We do not understand. We simply obey because it is a law of the universe, as we obey other laws of the universe, knowing only that this is how things have been arranged: the book falls to the floor in obedience to the law of gravity if I let go of it. Spiritual power is released through prayer.

I could say, "God can make my hands clean if he wants to," or I could wash them myself. Chances are God won't make my hands clean. That's a job he leaves up to me. His omnipotence is not impaired by his having ordained my participation, whether it be in the washing of hands with soap or the helping of a friend with prayer. Christ redeemed the world by the laying down of his life, a perfect sacrifice, once for all. Yet he is in the business, as David Redding says, of "maintenance and repair." He lets us participate with him in that business by the laying down of our own lives.

One way of laying down our lives is by praying for somebody. In prayer I am saying, in effect, "my life for yours." My time, my energy, my thought, my concern, my concentration, my faith--here they are, for you. So it is that I participate in the work of Christ. So it is that no work of faith, no labor of love, no smallest prayer is ever lost, but, like the smoke of the incense on the golden altar, rises from the hand of the angel before God.