I thought you were fighting for your life," a tearful Gauna told Blessing on Wednesday when the two met for the first time since Gauna used his cement truck to stop traffic and keep other drivers from running over and killing Blessing. "I was holding your hand, and I prayed, 'Lord, give this man life,' and he did."
Not many of us have the assurance we would react so bravely and quickly as this wonderful story recounts. We all have it in us, though, to respond lovingly and kindly to the suffering of friends and loved ones.
I've been blessed many times over with the help of friends and neighbors. A few days ago, I read a primer for helping loved ones suffering as M and I have been. It starts with a bit of finger wagging: " Some people are gifted helpers. For the rest of us, no 'gifting' is no excuse. Drop 'let me know if I can do anything' from your vocabulary and make a difference in a hurting friend's life. " The article then continues with a useful list of what you can do to help friends in need. Thank you, all those who have helped and are helping me.
Think basics. When life gets hectic, refocus on the basics of running a life and family: food, clothes, cleanliness and childcare. Many friends did for us, thank you. Specifically,
- Offer to run regular errands.
- Provide meals.
- Do laundry.
- Pick up and deliver dry cleaning.
- Gather a group of friends willing to clean and rotate teams or pay for a service.
- Try the team approach for helping care for the children.
- Help provide money, transportation, personal support and treats. A gift of money or restaurant gift cards might help relieve financial strain.
- Provide transportation to appointments or take children to school or activities.
Offer your presence. Sit with families. Cry with them. Listen. Offer to go with them wherever they need to go. A presence can comfort in this lonely time. Offer to sit with the injured or ill family member to free others up for personal errands or even a nap. I always felt so torn, wanting a constant presence with Mark, but needing to be elsewhere, too, and needing finally a break before I broke.
Deliver a treat. For the longest time, in ICU, M couldn't have flowers. And he wouldn't have recognized any treats anyway. But thoughtful friends and family delivered treats to the children -- sweets, games, and special meals -- who were hurting and undoubtedly felt abandoned and scared. The gifts were a recognition that others were thinking and caring for them. So too were the gifts of books and personal care items to me, a concrete reminder that others were thinking of us and I had a life outside the four walls of the hospital.
Coordinate. My dear friend AH has been a lifesaver, coordinating meals and the flow of information via email. Other suggestions in this article include making a flowchart, a schedule, a phone log. More suggestions? Follow up; remember event milestones.
Pray. Do it, believe in its power and tell the family you're praying. We believe fervently in the power of prayer. Even had we not, knowing that others around the world have us in their hearts bouys us immensely. Prayer begats more prayer. The one thing I can do in return for others now, in addition to giving heartfelt thanks, is to pray. Our church has been doing a wonderful series, Break Through, on God's kingdom.
Ask. Ask for a specific need then meet it. We've had folks take our children for sleepovers, to movies, even on vacation and offer to pay for summer camps. Our dog, too, was not forgotten. Friends have walked him, let him out daily, even taken him home to play with their dogs.
