In a way, the past six weeks have been almost a dream state, a hiatus, a pause while home and work and family life are in abeyance. The children have been cared for by others to a large extent and now they are out of town with relatives for spring break. I've left my work responsibilities to others for a time and even my dog is being cared for by others.
Though I'm not consciously thinking this, I'm sure a part of me is running on adrenaline and denial until real life (our old life) resumes. Fostering this sense of abeyance is being at the hospital while M works and improves every day. But soon he's coming home and nothing will ever be the same. I know it will be better than now and pray that in the end it will be better than before. I keep praying to rely on God; not to be anxious, for he will care for us.
For the children, I will be responsible, as always except lately. I will be responsible for their everyday needs; meals, laundry, chauffer service, homework supervision. At least for a while, I will sorely miss M's participation. He was a full partner in caring for the children and house. You see, I have to use past tense now. For all this time, I have resisted referring to things as if they were not true now. (For example, saying M cooks all the meals on the weekends. I have to say now M used to cook all our weekend meals.)
Soon, for the children I will have the usual responsibilities (which I haven't had for several weeks) and also must help with their new emotional needs coming from living in a family where their Daddy is not the support of the family but needs more care than they do.
On the financial end, most of our adult lives, M's salary supported the family. Indeed, we have been blessed in having the ability for me to stay home with the children for more than ten years. Though I have returned to work, my income cannot cover our basic living expenses, let alone any additional needs. Nor do we have health insurance except through M's work.
And above all (at least in my list today) is M's needs. Right now it's constant care. He cannot feed himself, he cannot turn over in bed, let alone get up and move from one room to another. He will require someone on hand 24 hours a day. How will I work? How will I get the kids back and forth to school? We've always been on the go and he'll have countless appointments and I don't even know how or if I can get him in and out of our van.
Real life can't be held off much longer. Friday TIRR staff will hold a family training session for me, when I will hear their prognosis and what family must be able to do. Please be in prayer for us.
Already God has met so many of our needs through our support system here on earth. Everyone has been so helpful in sharing my burdens. On the financial end, too, friends have stepped forward to organize a benefit to defray our new expenses. ...Bless you all.
25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:25-34
Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Revelations 7:16-17
